Archive for the ‘Love, Relationships & Sex’ Category
I was having a luncheon with women of different ages and ethnicities when a common topic of conversation arose: men.
Surprisingly all of the ladies were single, and they all shared their opinions, of “all the good men are taken,” “men nowadays don’t know what they want,” “all men are dogs,” “men are scared of commitment and successful women” and “all men are liars.” Granted, some of these ladies have been through hell and back with men that left unseen scars and broken hearts. Nevertheless, one man doesn’t speak for all, and believe it or not there is a good man out there waiting to love a woman like you.
Ladies, I realized we don’t know everything and truth be told, some of our ways are reasons why we’re single. So instead of talking amongst my girlfriends and female associates of what men want and what they think, I decided to ask them myself.
I interviewed 3 men ranging in age from early to 20′s to early 40′s; Eddie, age 40 (Georgia), Jack, age 22 (New York) and Anthony, age 31 (North Carolina)
Below are questions we all been thinking and answers we probably wouldn’t expect for them to admit to.
It might not be what you want to hear, but at least its honest constructive criticism.
In general, what do men want in a woman?
Eddie – A partner they can trust for all time, someone to be there in good times and bad.
Jack – Men want a woman who demands respect and won’t let a man take advantage of her. Once we see that weakness, most of us lose that respect factor. Men want a woman who’s understanding and someone we can talk to about anything. In most modern relationships, good communication just doesn’t exist anymore which can make a relationship go sour. Loyalty and honesty are also qualities we look for in a woman, because without those characteristics; cheating will come into play and someone feelings will definitely get hurt.
What do you personally look for in a woman?
Eddie- Good personality, very little drama, and most of all no materialism. If a woman seems to be after money without clear goals for the future, she is just someone to have a good time with, not someone to build a Future with or trust.
Anthony – I look for a woman with a soft tone BUT a strong spirit.
Does sex play an important factor in a relationship?
Eddie – Sex is the most important factor from a male protective. It is the reason we do everything we do. That is not to say it’s more important than love, it’s just the best way to share love.
Anthony – If you are married “YES” but if you are no, sex doesn’t keep a relationship glued.
What turns you on about a woman?
Eddie-That is different for every man. For me it’s freedom. When I found someone who liked to have fun and break all the rules the way I did, it excites me. In short, women who don’t want to do anything are boring. Women that have no limits and want to have a good time are a turn on. Each man has different things they like physically in a woman, but it’s all for nothing if she does not like to have fun.
Anthony- When we both have common interest. (BUT if she doesn’t have my interest I may still like her and I probably still date her to see what GOD does).
Jack- When a woman who I believe is worth my time and makes me work for what I want is a huge turn on for me. Deep down inside most men love a challenge, it shows high self esteem in a woman which we admire. Holding a conversation about almost anything with a woman is also a turn on for me.
What turns you off about a woman?
Anthony - Foul language.
Eddie – Drama, complaining, greed, double standards, games, wanting respect without having self-respect, women who don’t have a firm grip on reality, women that have a long list of rules and ridiculous standards, but most of all arrogant self centered women with a poor attitude. This is not being a strong secure independent woman, it’s just sad. And last I say, woman that blame men for all their problems. Most don’t see when they project these behaviors, but it is always a turn off.
Does size matter? (I’m referring to a woman weight/body)
Eddie – Body size matters to both men and women. Each person has their limit to what is too much or out of shape. However for African Americans more is fine and less is far too little. The key is having something to work with but not having it out of shape.
Anthony – Each man must answer that on his own accord, but I personally prefer a woman to be no bigger than a 20 however she must be well proportioned not sloppy!
What are 5 to 10 things you wish women new about men?
Eddie – We do not like to argue, we are not all dogs, and we don’t mind doing things for women if it is appreciated, we judge women more on intimate performance then we do on looks. We don’t have the same emotions that women do and we wish you would stop trying to get us to understand them. Sports really are important! When we say “that other woman meant nothing to me” sad to say, it is true, she really didn’t. 50 percent of the time we hear what you are saying, the other 50 we don’t even know what you are talking about. Tell us half as much and we will remember more.
Anthony – 1. Understanding that men think with intellect and not there emotions. 2. SPORTS are important to a man. 3. A man feels small if he can’t be the head of his house hold. 4. Men don’t communicate verbally at all times (it’s just the way we are created, 5. For unmarried men…SEX doesn’t have to be tied to there emotions-I believe that so many women are hurt because they sleep with men and become emotionally involve, whereas for most men, it’s just SEX.
Why do you think a lot of career oriented women are single?
Eddie – Career women don’t love men! They love their career. Career women will place their career over everything including their children. When you meet a career woman she will talk endlessly about her career and very little about her real self. They spend years chasing a title or income. Career women judge everyone around them by were they are in their careers. They will not deal with anyone that is not on the path they created. In the end they are alone with all the money but no real personality. Career men are just as relaxed as non-career men and both have interest in more than their jobs. In short, career women tend to have too many rules and very little joy, this makes them less interesting.
Anthony – Majority of career oriented women believe that they have reached all there personal goals without a man. Therefore, they strive accomplish anything by themselves.
Why do men hate shopping with a female?
Eddie – It is simple, women have no idea what they want when they go to the store and will take a full day to find it. Women will spend to no end using her money and a big chunk of our money. Men already know what they want and what store has it for the best price. We shop faster and cheaper.
Anthony – Woman never knows what they want…you go in the store stay an hour and come out without anything.
Why do most men avoid commitment?
Anthony – Majority of men just don’t want a commitment.
Eddie – Because women see commitment as ownership! This is why they refer to their partner as MY MAN. Our avoidance of commitment has little to do with seeing other women and everything to do with seeing the outside world again. Once in a commitment women begin to ask you to change all of the things you enjoyed and only do the things she approves. Who really wants that? (For the record men do the same things to women after commitment, but woman rarely comply.)
Jack – Most men avoid commitment because of a few things. Some avoid it because they’re either too busy or focused on other things and trying to commit to a relationship at the same time just doesn’t work out. Women need attention and if we are focused on our business we can’t give you that attention you need. Then often times we may find certain woman attractive but personality wise they are a turn offs, we never reveal because we don’t want to damage a good friendship.
What do men REALLY talk about amongst their boys?
Eddie - Nothing, we tell one another exaggerated lies that no one believes. We just clown around and nothing really serious gets accomplished. (FYI, if a man is in a relationship with a woman he never discusses detail of their physical relationship with other men…only young boys do that).
Does it matter how many men a women slept with?
Eddie – Yes, the worst thing a man can think of is being in a room with a bunch of men who have been with his lady.
Anthony – YES! It does matter!
Jack – Hell yea! I just need to know for my own reassurance; you don’t want to be with someone everyone’s been with.
Why do most men never admit to being sick or not feeling well?
Eddie – Because we don’t get sick! It is not allowed. Once you are sick you are no longer effective. Being sick and out of power is the last thing we can allow. EVER!
Anthony – Most men don’t want to be seen as needy or depending on someone.
There’s a myth that men think about sex, at least 100x a day. Is that true?
Eddie- Yes, it’s genetic; however 100 times a day is a massive understatement.
Anthony – NO. Maybe 25.
Jack – I think about it a lot, but no more than 25 times a day.
What does it really mean, when a man says, “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” or “I don’t want a girlfriend.” Even though, you and this person been seeing each other for a few months now, including being intimate.
Eddie – Here is a big secret about men every woman should know. Once a man gets screwed over in a relationship he never wants another one. Being intimate does not change things for a man. A few months are not enough time to build real trust. When a man tells you he does not want a girlfriend stop being one! See other people and let him know you are. Either he wants to be with you or he does not. Any woman can get another man simple by smiling politely at other me she finds interesting. Just move on.
Anthony - He just wants to have SEX without any commitment. It is what it is and more than likely he has someone else on the side
What does it really mean, when a man say, “Can we just be friends?”
Anthony – More than likely the woman has turned him down so he wants to be her friend so he can stay in the realm of her life so that he may get another chance to get with her later on and it hopefully develops into a “SO CALLED RELATIONSHIP”.
Eddie - It means can we just be friends with the added physical benefit. The way to change his mind is to tell him, we can be friends but you know I will have other friends until I have a commitment. FYI, real men have no problem with commitment, fidelity…….that is another issue.
I did this not to prove that any of us need a man to survive or to feel complete in life. But to illustrate that some of the reasons why a lot of women are single aren’t entirely from men. Some women have a pattern of dating certain type of men who we know are no good. Whereas others, meet good men and run them off with their insecurities.
When the time is right, Mr. Right will come, and more than likely be when you least expect it.
After everything that has been said, what is it that YOU want?
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